How people go about it- I know exactly the kind of person I want to go forward with. I have 10 options. I am going to talk/meet, analyse if they meet my checklist and respond accordingly. After I have investigate all the options, I will work through the trade offs and choose one.
This is realm of “Known Unknowns”. You know what you want to know about a person, so you seek to find those missing answers. That completes your spreadsheet and you apply some modelling techniques, hoping to find the “best optimized” match. However, things rarely work out like that, do they? Your answer is still elusive.
The actual situation- You know nothing <your name>. You have a far more complex and nuanced problem at hand. You are actually in the realm of “Unknown Unknowns”. You don’t know what you might like.
The only solution is to just sense and respond. If you sense a basic urge to follow through and engage more, do that. Just don’t analyse or compare. Take that leap. Trust your gut. Try honestly. Don’t try to control it. Let it flow. Wait for the patterns to emerge, for the pathway to reveal itself. As you try this multiple times, a breakthrough might happen moving your unordered thoughts to a more orderly system. Then you will know. No risk, no reward. If you don’t play, you never win. Don’t try to analyse your way to a solution. It won’t work. There are just too many variables.
The other alternative is to realize that this is a very chaotic system and if you don’t have the mechanism to handle it, take a top down approach and simply comply with the choice your family makes for you.
